Technology and Teens

"Dear Jen,

When I was younger I used to spend my evenings talking with my friends on the phone. I know my daughter has friends but I never see her on the phone-she’s always on the computer. Is this how kids communicate with each other these days? Is this healthy? I’m clueless about computers, please help me understand!"

~Tech-Challenged

Dear Tech-Challenged Parent,

Technology has changed so much in our lives, and it’s natural that young people have picked up on this! To understand how this changes your daughter’s social interactions, you should educate yourself about the way your daughter uses the computer- I’ll point you toward several resources, but it would also be a great idea to sit down with your daughter to learn about the websites and programs she uses often. Children can be our best teachers! Computers have changed our world for the better in many ways, but the way young people use this new technology is sometimes a cause of concern. Many parents aren’t properly informed about “sites” that young people use to set up personal profiles. Myspace and Facebook are two examples of websites on which personal user accounts include photographs, blogs (online diaries), and as much personal information as the user, often a young person, is willing to reveal to the online world (like where they live, how old they are, they’re hobbies, etc.-kind of scary, huh?). Unless a site is restricted as “private,” any person with access to the internet can view all of this personal information! Sometimes this is an innocent way to socialize, but often it can be abused by both adults and peers. Students post inappropriate pictures, use inappropriate language, and reach out online to “become friends” with someone they’ve “met” only through these internet sites. Although a photo and bio might say a user is 16, a peer of your child, there is a chance they are a predator looking to take advantage of young people. Cyber bullying is also a concern. Over instant messaging (IM), emails, blogs, and websites… kids are finding ways to hurt their peers without using fists or verbal outbursts. These silent and sometimes misconstrued messages can be just as damaging to a students self-esteem, especially when something horrible is written where friends and peers can view it. I’ve had students in my office crying because a friend shared their deepest secrets on a public blog the night before. I’ve even talked to students who fear coming to school because students in their class are harassing or bullying them online. The increased use of computers also affects young peoples’ communication skills. When someone sends an instant message or writes an email or blog it’s easy for them to say the things they want (either good or bad) to another person without having to say it to their face. Kids have less fear when it comes to these online outlets for their thoughts and feelings. Think about which is easier: to walk up to someone and be honest about your feelings, or type at your own computer and push a button? One student said they prefer the ease of online communication because “I don’t have to worry about someone yelling back at me or worry about how they’re going to take the news. IF I JUST WRITE EVERYTHING IN CAPITALS THEY KNOW I’M YELLING AT THEM.” Students use a “secret language” or coding system in online communication. Did you know POS means “parent over the shoulder” or to put it more clearly, “my parent is watching so I can’t say anything more since I don’t want them to know what we’re talking about.” There is inappropriate “web surfing,” lying about age to get onto certain sites, computer game addiction, lack of exercise… so many risks in the technology that otherwise is a helpful tool in the lives of young people. Computers have improved our lives in so many ways- easy communication, efficient shopping, quick research…but adults must remember that young people might not fully understand privacy and communication etiquette. Adults generally understand that it would be wrong to reprimand a co-worker over email, but kids are learning to use online communication as the first line of offense…and when someone learns how to do something the easy way first, it is difficult to change habits and perspective. So now what? Don’t rush to unplug your computer or add a super secret password to restrict your child’s use. If you educate yourself about your family’s computer use and engage your child in conversation, you will better understand the appropriate use of technology in your family. Don’t be afraid to set limits: spending several hours at night on online communication sites is sure to get in the way of homework or family time. Be sure your child understands how the inappropriate use of these outlets could hurt others.

Sincerely, Jen Bickel
SAP Counselor at CVU